He does stand with us and I have been finding myself repeating this over and over. Through God I have the strength. It's hard to sit there and tell yourself this, but wonder if it's true. I've been struggling a lot lately. I have noticed that the older I get the more I do not like the cold weather. For me it's not all just because of the snow, it's more of the look and mood of the cold. I feel such dread and gloom and the tree's are bare, it all just reminds me of death.
Not death of me, that I can handle. It's death of those around me. I get myself so worked up about it I start feeling anxious. I work myself up sometimes that I feel like I might burst from so much emotions.
I always asked my Grandma when I was a kid why my heart hurt so much when I was sad, she told me because I'm sensitive. I could feel so strongly about a person's emotions that I would work myself up as well. Whenever someone would have a head ache or stomach ache I would feel ill as well. My family always told me I was just emphatic or sympathetic to others.
I never really understood what that meant. But these past few months have been really hard for me. I feel empty but yet not, I feel as though my heart is being crushed from all sides. I feel hopeless and dis pare, lonely and hurt I want to cry all the time because of all the pain in the world.
I shut myself off from face book because of the things other's share. I can't handle other's hurting or being hurt, specifically babies and children. whenever I read about mistreatment of children my heart hurts, sometimes so bad I can't breathe and I feel ill, very ill. I then start to feel like I'm going crazy. Like why do I feel this way. Why does it hurt so bad.
Then I came across an article online. Talking about people who are feel the way I do. I guess it's completely normal and there are other's just like me. It's nice to know that I am not going crazy. As I read the article, I felt like it was me to a T. I read how it starts from childhood. That most of the time something traumatic happens or mistreatment even neglect is why most people have it. Well if you read my testimony you will understand why that struck a cord with me. It seem's silly but it described me. In a way it was nice to finally understand why I feel the way I do. I just wish I could find some way to control it or make it go away.
There are times that the hurt is just so strong that I feel as though I could explode. The emotion's make me feel physically ill, like I'm drained of all energy.
I'd love to hear from other's if they are feeling this way too.
Blessings,
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