Life

Thing's have been so crazy lately. Life with 6 people is insane. I really do not know how people who have even bigger families do it. I feel overwhelmed just by the 6 of us.

I've been thinking a lot lately about what I want my life to be like. I'm for sure on a few things, like God. I know that I want to study the bible. I want to finish a bible study. Actually I have a bible study going on if you would like to join. Just check the link above.

I want to spend more time with my kids. I feel like after having 2 babies kinda back to back I haven't had time to actually enjoy life. I want to get back to where I was with my older kids. My oldest just turned 16. I don't have that many more year's with him and I don't think he will stay here in St. Louis once he is 18. I just have this feeling like he'd move back to where we are from and live with his grandparents. I really want him to stay with us but once he's 18 there just isn't anything I can do.

I also don't want to be that parent who sweats the small stuff. I spend too much of my time worrying about what could go wrong that I miss out on all the fun stuff. I want to explore the world, I want my kids to explore the world.

I want to be a happy care free person again. I don't want to be a prisoner in my own body. I struggle so much with anxiety and lately depression seem's to be setting in. I know that I've talked before about being a very sensitive person and how it takes a toll on me. It just seem's like it has gotten worse. I just want that freedom of not having to worry. I have been trying to pray and give it over to God, but that's a hard thing for me to do. I always need to be in control. I want to try harder at letting go.

If anyone else suffers with anxiety and depression I'd love to hear from you.