Sunday's are for sleeping in, church and cleaning around here. 

Life

Thing's have been so crazy lately. Life with 6 people is insane. I really do not know how people who have even bigger families do it. I feel overwhelmed just by the 6 of us.

I've been thinking a lot lately about what I want my life to be like. I'm for sure on a few things, like God. I know that I want to study the bible. I want to finish a bible study. Actually I have a bible study going on if you would like to join. Just check the link above.

I want to spend more time with my kids. I feel like after having 2 babies kinda back to back I haven't had time to actually enjoy life. I want to get back to where I was with my older kids. My oldest just turned 16. I don't have that many more year's with him and I don't think he will stay here in St. Louis once he is 18. I just have this feeling like he'd move back to where we are from and live with his grandparents. I really want him to stay with us but once he's 18 there just isn't anything I can do.

I also don't want to be that parent who sweats the small stuff. I spend too much of my time worrying about what could go wrong that I miss out on all the fun stuff. I want to explore the world, I want my kids to explore the world.

I want to be a happy care free person again. I don't want to be a prisoner in my own body. I struggle so much with anxiety and lately depression seem's to be setting in. I know that I've talked before about being a very sensitive person and how it takes a toll on me. It just seem's like it has gotten worse. I just want that freedom of not having to worry. I have been trying to pray and give it over to God, but that's a hard thing for me to do. I always need to be in control. I want to try harder at letting go.

If anyone else suffers with anxiety and depression I'd love to hear from you.

Update:

so I realize that I have been absent lately. The reason for this is because we have made a HUGE life changing decision. My husband accepted a job offer in St. Louis Missouri. 

He moved down here at the end of October, as for the rest of us we didn't move til the first week of February. Living 3 months apart was really hard. I am so glad that we are finally all together. 

It still seems weird that we live in another state. and not just a state over try 2 states away. My husband is adjusted well, but then again he moved a lot as a kid. I on the other hand have lived in Bryan Ohio for 28 years of my life. That's a very long time to live some where. We together have lived in our home for 14 years. I can honestly say that I NEVER expected to move out of our house let alone out of state. I mean we have always talked about it, but that's all it ever was talk. 

I'm so proud of my husband for making that HUGE leap in life. It's always hard to leave the comforts of a job you've been at for so long. He's worked at his old job for 13 years. Worked his way up to a salary job. I mean after graduating high school he's only had 2 jobs and the first one the only reason he isn't working there is because he was laid off and per unemployment rules you have to look for another job and within a month if that he got a call about another job and he worked there until he quit 6 months ago for a better job. 

So here we are living in St. Louis. Time to test my big city girl ambitions. I've always said I'm a small town girl with big city ambitions. 

Welcome to our new life.

Blessings,