Life

Thing's have been so crazy lately. Life with 6 people is insane. I really do not know how people who have even bigger families do it. I feel overwhelmed just by the 6 of us.

I've been thinking a lot lately about what I want my life to be like. I'm for sure on a few things, like God. I know that I want to study the bible. I want to finish a bible study. Actually I have a bible study going on if you would like to join. Just check the link above.

I want to spend more time with my kids. I feel like after having 2 babies kinda back to back I haven't had time to actually enjoy life. I want to get back to where I was with my older kids. My oldest just turned 16. I don't have that many more year's with him and I don't think he will stay here in St. Louis once he is 18. I just have this feeling like he'd move back to where we are from and live with his grandparents. I really want him to stay with us but once he's 18 there just isn't anything I can do.

I also don't want to be that parent who sweats the small stuff. I spend too much of my time worrying about what could go wrong that I miss out on all the fun stuff. I want to explore the world, I want my kids to explore the world.

I want to be a happy care free person again. I don't want to be a prisoner in my own body. I struggle so much with anxiety and lately depression seem's to be setting in. I know that I've talked before about being a very sensitive person and how it takes a toll on me. It just seem's like it has gotten worse. I just want that freedom of not having to worry. I have been trying to pray and give it over to God, but that's a hard thing for me to do. I always need to be in control. I want to try harder at letting go.

If anyone else suffers with anxiety and depression I'd love to hear from you.

Because my kids are not easy to take photo's of.
 Here is a collection on photo's I took that weren't too bad. Though my youngest wouldn't look at me as long as I had my camera in my hand. I swear it's just my kids that hate the camera, because as soon as I take it out and point it at them they avoid eye contact at all cost.

My oldest Jacob 16

My only daughter Sarai 13

My 2nd boy Cohen 3

My youngest Asher 1

Update:

so I realize that I have been absent lately. The reason for this is because we have made a HUGE life changing decision. My husband accepted a job offer in St. Louis Missouri. 

He moved down here at the end of October, as for the rest of us we didn't move til the first week of February. Living 3 months apart was really hard. I am so glad that we are finally all together. 

It still seems weird that we live in another state. and not just a state over try 2 states away. My husband is adjusted well, but then again he moved a lot as a kid. I on the other hand have lived in Bryan Ohio for 28 years of my life. That's a very long time to live some where. We together have lived in our home for 14 years. I can honestly say that I NEVER expected to move out of our house let alone out of state. I mean we have always talked about it, but that's all it ever was talk. 

I'm so proud of my husband for making that HUGE leap in life. It's always hard to leave the comforts of a job you've been at for so long. He's worked at his old job for 13 years. Worked his way up to a salary job. I mean after graduating high school he's only had 2 jobs and the first one the only reason he isn't working there is because he was laid off and per unemployment rules you have to look for another job and within a month if that he got a call about another job and he worked there until he quit 6 months ago for a better job. 

So here we are living in St. Louis. Time to test my big city girl ambitions. I've always said I'm a small town girl with big city ambitions. 

Welcome to our new life.

Blessings,

A new yr.

So another yr bit's the dust.
 

Well there you have it. the yr 2012 is now officially over. My 9yr old son & i were talking and i said that he would have go back to school the next day. He of course like he always does says " uuuugghhh, i dont wanna go back to school" so i told him that well, look at it this way you only have 5 more months of school left, then it's summer vacation! As i said that i realized, WOW. 5 more months and another yr of school is over. How can it be? Where did the time go? When you think about it time really does go by fast. I wish that there was a way to make time stop, even for a few hrs. Not only in the yrs or months, or heck even days, but the hrs as well. there never seems to be enough hrs in the day. As i think long and hard about this i realize that i have yet to do something with my life. How is it that i let this one detail of my life sneak by?

I keep thinking about that episode of Family Guy. Where Francine was the littel girl who fell down in a well and was saved by a fire man whom they thought died trying to save her. She's so up set because everyone keeps asking what she did with her life. That this guy died to save her so that she may live and have a life. but in her eyes she just wasted her life, and now it's too late she too old. Granted i am only 28yrs old (not yet 30) but still as you know time does go by way too fast. i dont think that i can keep up. i have nothing to show for my life right now. what accomplishments have i done? I have not finished college, dont have a career, i do not live in a big house... I am definitely not rich by any means.  heck i dont even think that i've done a very good job tyring to teach my kids. I think above anything else that's the worst. If there is anything i know without a doubt what i want outta this new year is that i want to teach my kids. I want to teach them how to be a good person. i want to instill in them morals and to know right from wrong, how to treat people. I just want them to go into the world the wonderful people that i know they can be.

if i do not do anything with my life i at least want to do this.

i have come to realize that my kids are growing up so fast and with the way the public schools are now a days they want them to become little adults. i use to be one of those moms who didn't like when my kids got all messy and wanted them to be dressed nice and match. it wasn't until my daughter wanted to wear tutus all the time. if it wasn't a tutu it was a skirt or a dress. now i use to tell her no. but then i thought to myself, ya know shes just a kid. why try and mold her into this little adult. so from that day forward i said by golly if sarai wants to wear a tutu, then she can wear a tutu. because once shes an adult she wont be able to wear tutus and express her self the way she can now. so i say bring on the mix match and bright colors!